i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
