I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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