I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
