did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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