well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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