i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
