What did we do last night that was yellow?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize