woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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