your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
