Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
