I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
