If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
