In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
