i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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