Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
