I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
