Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
