I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
