You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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