Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
