Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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