Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
