I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
