i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
