We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
