how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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