i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
