he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
