the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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