She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
