i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
