atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So much rum. So many feels.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
