when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
