im about as happy as oj after his trial
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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