i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
