We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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