i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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