I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
