Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
