Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
