Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
