he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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