Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize