It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm really busy with my period
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