i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
