Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
