hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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