if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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