i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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