I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
