so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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