I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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