You can't motorboat a personality
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
