Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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