MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
