So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize