just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
