our cab driver is having phone sex.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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