I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
