Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
