in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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