WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
