If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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