Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
