I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
is wine microwaveable?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
