I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
