he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
