I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
