I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
