I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
two words...techno handjob
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
