Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
