the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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