are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
