there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
