found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize