Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
