you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
