My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
