if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
