it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
