Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
